David Ryder

The pursuit of life

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I want to feel alive. I want to feel beauty in my heart. I want to feel connected. I want my existence to transcend the people I touch. I want my love for everything to blossom such as a hibiscus flower blossoms during a cool morning’s sunrise. Most importantly, I want to be SUCCESSFUL.

Society has done a good job of inhibiting our emotions and instincts by teaching us how to be successful. Success in a socialized aspect is defined as working your life to accumulate wealth and and a family – at any cost. We aren’t taught how to experience life the way God intended. Wealth, gathering of materials, who you know, how much of that matters when you die? We all die, and likely we all die alone. This is a fact that most people simply cannot understand. You will die, uncontrollably. Most people don’t understand how drastically different their life and philosophies may be 40 years down the road. I can’t think of many that would ever admit to wanting to look back on their life and wonder where it all went, and what it was all worth.

We all start out living our lives as if we are eternal beings. We have no expiration date. Then we grow into a sense that we at some point die, maybe at 70, 80, 90, whatever. What is often refused to be accepted is that our life can be extinguished at any point. You may be able to agree with that, but it is unlikely that you live that way. Of course you CAN die at any time, but you won’t. You won’t die until you are ready. That is what in my heart I at one time believed – even in the face of the realization and acceptance that I COULD die at some random time, even in the near future.

I don’t plan on dying, nor do I intend to die anytime in the near future, but I realize that I will die, and I have absolutely no idea when it is going to happen. The point is, I don’t want to die and have had my life exist in vain. I don’t want to die where my only mark left on the world is how much wealth and items were to be distributed to my successors and how many false relationships I have accumulated in the name of vanity. I also don’t want to live my life achieving something society has defined as success, to only look back twenty years and realize that my life has been relatively uneventful and pointless.

My drive is to live my life as I deem successful. Wealth and social status is superficial, and will be forgotten as soon as I’m gone. What is important to me is who loved me, who I loved, and who will remember me for what reasons. It is our humanistic obligation to live our life to the fullest according to our love and passion. There is a sharp disconnect in what the human soul needs to be happy and what socialization has defined what it takes for every human to be happy. Unfortunately it isn’t that simple. There is no one single path that equally makes every person happy. And with the way we are socialized we all start on the same path with the same goal in mind and for most of us it’s too late by the time we realize that that isn’t the path to happiness.

I think a lot of people live their entire life striving to reach a goal that has been fed to them by the media and they either reach that goal and realize that isn’t what makes them happy, or they still feel empty because they missed out on life while attempting to pursue what they believed was going to make them happy. There is an equilibrium that can be reached, and that is something we aren’t taught. We are left to our own devices to realize this.

To me success is just that, to be able to realize your full potential in the thing you have the most passion for. In fact, it is often considered to be one of the habits of highly successful people. People whom begin their journey doing something they love and are passionate about, and wealth happens to be a side-effect of this pursuit. At any rate, success is subjective and I no longer consider myself successful unless I am living my life doing the things that absolutely make me happy. I used to think living my life this way was irresponsible, but now, nearing 30, I am content with the fact that I have lived my life the way I have. I am not an empty shell striving to fulfill a destiny that has been laid out in a cookie-cutter fashion. I intend for my own reflection of my life when I am nearing death to be something that contains absolutely no regrets. I want to live, not necessarily every day, but every month as if I was going to die. I don’t want to build false relationships, nor do I want to be involved with anyone with that intention. The only things I want from a relationship with another person is truth and forthrightness.

Comfort

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Comfort is a relative term. To each individual exists a set of minimum circumstances that has to be met to be comfortable. This may sound like common sense to many; it does make sense. But a slightly harder concept is the idea that in relation to one persons current greatest discomfort to another persons current greatest discomfort, the magnitude of discomfort is the same. For example: the magnitude of grief, discomfort, or hardship is the same for a person that lost a loved one and the person in a state of starvation. The application of this idea is limited in scope and primarily pertains to enduring and lasting discomfort or pain.

It is a human condition and it can be compared to a deck of cards that are stacked on top of one another and the card on top is larger than those behind it. Each card in the stack gets progressively smaller. One card represents a weighing problem. When the largest problem in one individual is resolved and removed, the problem behind it grows to its size replacing it relatively. Each human has the same sized top card. In theory, we all possess the same relative largest enduring issue.

The ability to conquer, or dwarf with confidence, determination, drive, and spirit is a powerful ability that aids us all in the human struggle. This can be directly applied to the discomfort felt when realizing a goal. Assuming this theory of magnitudal relative discomfort holds true, the amount of discomfort a person feels enduring any problem may be harnessed with the ability to appreciate the discomfort. It is often this discomfort that makes the realization of a goal which begets discomfort much more rewarding.

There is another aspect of the previous theory that is described by the ability to manipulate the magnitude of your greatest discomfort. The characteristic that allows someone to enjoy the pain associated with pushing their self forward relentlessly stems from the ability to manipulate the natural magnitude of a series of discomforts. The pain associated with making a gnarly climb up a mountain – a particular discomfort – can be overshadowed by the natural draw to and distraction of the mountains.

Edward Abbey

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From Wikipedia:
Edward Paul Abbey (January 29, 1927 – March 14, 1989) was an American author and essayist noted for his advocacy of environmental issues and criticism of public land policies. His best-known works include the novel The Monkey Wrench Gang, which has been cited as an inspiration by radical environmental groups, and the non-fiction work Desert Solitaire. Writer Larry McMurtry referred to Abbey as the “Thoreau of the American West”.


I was recently introduced to Edward Abbey by a friend and began some research. He has some resonating quotes that I wanted to share.

He has some pretty radical views that I don’t agree with but he seems like an honest writer that finds a similar importance to the natural world. Desert Solitaire has been added to my reading list.

“Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.”

“Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit”

“May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.”

“Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.”

“Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.”

“In the modern techno-industrial culture, it is possible to proceed from infancy into senility without ever knowing manhood”

“God still sits on the throne, the devil is a liar. You may be going
through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you
in a way that only He can. Keep the faith. My instructions were to
pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please
pass this to at least four people you care about”

“One final paragraph of advice: Do not burn yourself out. Be as I am-a reluctant enthusiast… a part time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it is still there. So get out there and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the grizz, climb the mountains. Run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, that lovely, mysterious and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to your body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound people with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards.”

“We are kindred all of us, … killer and victim, predator and prey, me and the sly coyote, the soaring buzzard, the elegant gopher snake, the trembling cottontail, the foul worms that feed on our entrails, all of them, all of us.”

“This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and animals. Stand up for the stupid and crazy. Take your hat off to no man.”

“It seems clear at last that our love for the natural world—Nature—is the only means by which we can requite God’s obvious love for it.”

“A journey into the wilderness is the freest, cheapest, most nonprivileged of pleasures. Anyone with two legs and the price of a pair of army surplus combat boots may enter.”

Buckskin Gulch & Paria Canyon

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Awesome trip! It wasn’t necessarily a physically difficult hike but the lack of water definitely complicated things. The flash flood covered up most of the springs so the several reliable springs became a few hard-to-find seeps. Ram walked by a rattlesnake when it was coiled ~2ft from his path. I being in the lead got to identify all the drop-offs in the river and locations of quicksand, doing a lot of swimming and quicksand-escaping. Ram fell off a ledge sideways into a pool of cakemix-like mud – the very mud he was trying to circumvent. My dad got buried to his chest in quicksand requiring rescue. We followed some big cat tracks to our campsite one night. We were all forced to ration water – invoking thoughts of the joys of drinking the coolest, most abundant drinks. I believe we experienced a form of divine intervention.

As with any large-scale hike, a lot of lessons were learned. Rationing water, the importance of pack weight, and the importance of navigating and orienting all have been reinforced effectively. With what I know now and the experience I had I would still not be talked out of going when we went.

Total mileage: 50

Day 1: race day!
Distance: 16 miles

There are a few ways you can traverse Paria Canyon and the most popular is a 37 mile hike starting at a trail head called Whitehouse. 7 miles down this trail meets the confluence of Buckskin Gulch and continues on for another 30 miles. The way we took was through the beginning of Buckskin Gulch which meets that same confluence of Paria River 16 miles down. There is no way out of the gulch and there are no sources of water besides acidic, stagnant, swampy puddle water. What this means is you have to do all 16 miles before camping. Otherwise you are in danger of flash flooding and are without water. This was no small task. Along the way were pools of water that spanned the entire width of the gulch so there was no way around them. Some of them were shin deep, some went to our stomachs. It seemed there was an endless amount of these and walking through mud and water is quickly exhausting. Every break we took – which I timed to keep us on pace – was spent wringing the mud and water from our socks and drying feet. We made it to the confluence after a long ten hours and set up camp and ate.

And now, I lay here in the red sand with a small rock for a pillow. The light is quickly fading and the only thing I can see I the silhouette of the ridge of the steep canyon walls towering hundreds of feet over me. Paria river makes no sound. I asked “are those crickets?” and heard my voice following the walls of the canyon before disappearing seconds later. Indeed, they are crickets and that is the only sound I can hear, aside from the occasional rustling my party members make as they shift in their temporary beds.

It is pleasantly cool and the light from our miniature lantern is softly illuminating a part of the canyon wall behind me. Its crazy that it’s so dark with the lantern off that I can’t see my hand in front of my face. I can still see the outline of the canyon walls. Not many stars tonight, hidden by cloud coverage.

Day 2: flash flood day!
Distance: 12 miles

At about 11oclock last night we heard a loud rumbling sound coming from the gulch and thought – or rather, hoped – that it was a plane flying overhead. About five minutes later the 2 inches of water in the Paria River quickly turned into 12 – instantly. We were concerned as we were not on very high ground and only a tenth of a mile from the confluence we didn’t know where high ground was. Plus we weren’t packed up or ready at all. The river only rose about 2ft in an hour and it wasn’t budging so we decided to sleep. To our dismay the water hadn’t receded the next morning. After a bit of debating we decided that it would be best to continue on motivated by the potential of a major flood coming through and making it impossible to move.

For the next nine hours we were forced to cross the river more than fifty times as the banks always seemed to end and shift sides whenever the canyon made a turn. I got quite an unexpected workout on my inner and outer thighs fording the rushing, deep river. We had many encounters with quicksand – at one point my dad had to be pulled out by Ram and I. At places in the river unbeknownst to us were sudden drop offs that plunged us to our chests sometimes forcing us to swim. The water was very muddy and sandy, akin to thick soup. Anytime we stepped in the water thick sand and mud clung to our packs, clothes, and bodies adding pounds of weight. I was regularly wringing the mud out of my socks and emptying my pockets of handfuls of it. The river has since receded but there is still a rushing water sound that can be heard from both directions of the river. Never have I wished to not be able to hear the river.

Perhaps the biggest tragedy of today was the malfunctioning (clogging) of our water filter. We ran out of water last night and had hoped to find the spring marked on the map 5 miles into the hike today. We couldn’t find it and out of desperation began to filter water coming from a seep (small outlet from a spring). It was clear but apparently had a lot of sand in it. It stopped pumping after about 9 liters – and we need between the 3 of us 12 liters per day. We rationed what we had and after we cooked tonight we each have about a liter remaining. Our spirits were slightly broken today but there is a silver lining in the fact that we traveled another ten miles. This leaves us with about 20 miles to cover in 3 days.

Day 3: search for water day!
Distance: 14 miles

Starting the day today we had 2-3 liters between the three of us. 12 would have been ideal. We had hopes that we would find the spring on the map 4-5 miles downstream. We never saw the spring and concern was rising quickly. We were short yesterday and today it was starting to look like there would be no water. The side canyon that “has clear water running for most of the year” was either dry or we passed it as well. Last night we filled up 7 liters with river water and hung them upside down hoping the sediment would settle to the bottom by morning. It worked but just moving containers mixed it up again shattering hope. And at one point today we tried filtering the river water (sludge) with a spandex t-shirt and boiling it but it was still too sandy and soupy to drink.

I was almost in complete despair and was walking in a daze after about 4 hours in the sun. I felt like I had been eating sand for two hours. Then the most unbelievable thing happened to us. I said “how awesome would that be if we just came across two gallons of water in the sand” and moments later there appeared two gallon jugs tied together! There was about a half gallon remaining and if miracles or divine intervention is reality, then that is what occurred today. It looked like someone tied the jugs to a branch and the branch broke (still remained tied to the rope) and got swept away by a flash flood. Of course whoever was watching would have to make it appear rational :) .

We went on for another hour before ram spotted a spring on the edge of the riverbed. It was flowing extremely slowly and was surrounded by quicksand. Ram dug a hole around it and we found shade and napped while the hole cleared out. We came back to clear spring water. Victory! I detached the hose from my camelbak bladder and filled all of our water containers up including the jugs (20liters!!!) we found by sucking out one hose at a time. The slightest movement in the water – even a drip of water – would stir the sediment up in our small collection area so we had to be very cautious.

Now we are even more grateful that we found those jugs because we aren’t sure we will find water in the remaining 10-12 miles.

It was such a strange thing that happened during our parchment today. We were imagining what awesome drinks we would drink when we finally got off the trail. I have never longed for liquid in this way. I have done fasts in the past where I only drank water and I always imagined what I would eat when it was over but never fasted from liquid. It’s expected but I have never experienced it. Just another humbling experience that gives me an idea of how much is taken for granted daily. You can’t be thankful for every available item daily but it is nice to be faced with something occasionally that makes you appreciate the most simple things in life that we all take for granted. I am curious to know how long these thoughts will linger every time I fill up my Nalgene at the water fountain at work, or have a cold glass of milk, or pick up a chilled gatorade at the gas station… or even a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. Mmmm, all sounds so yummy.

Day 4: victory!
Distance: 8 miles

We weren’t sure exactly how far we had gone but we had estimated that we had approximately 12 miles remaining based on previously known landmarks. If the river eased up and we had few to no crossings today we could have pushed on and made it off the trail by nightfall. We would have had to find water somewhere along the way if the 12 miles was split up into two days.

About 30 minutes into the hike I thought I recognized a notated feature on the map with accompanying mileage. Trail leaves river on right bank and comes back to the river after rockslide. I checked the map for confirmation and happily informed ram and my dad that we had 7 miles to the registration box and another mile from there to the parking lot.

Water became an issue very quickly as we were completely exposed to the sun with the canyon opening up completely. The 110* heat and desert sun beating down on us and reflecting off the white sand quickly depleted our already short water supply. The trail kept taking us away from the river so it was hard to find a spring – if there was one. We conserved water efficiently but we quickly became severely dehydrated. In worst shape than yesterday we decided to take no breaks and I traded my dad an empty water jug for as many heavy items from his pack that would fit into mine. This helped our pace tremendously.

We came across another marked feature on the map: abandoned homestead – 4 miles from registration box. I had hoped we were farther but at least we knew exactly how much more we had to go. It was nearing noon and the suns intensity was growing. We marched on. I estimated that we would be to the registration box by 2pm. At 1:45 we came across something that wasn’t on the map: another abandoned homestead/horse corral. I mentioned that this may have been the homestead and that our original estimates of remaining mileage was correct. Nobody responded and continued walking. Not even two minutes later ram said “I see a sign”. I immediately drew the conclusion that it was actually the registration box and my spirits blindly soared. I was right!

We vigorously hiked the last mile and I drank every bit of my remaining water with overwhelming satisfaction. Rarrrr!!!

We rinsed off and changed at the fish cleaning station, drove straight to Jack In The Box in Page, and was on Lake Powell by 3:30. Laying out, cliff diving, swimming, and relaxing. Couldn’t have ended such an intense hike on a better note!

Reflections in the sand

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I’m laying down with nothing between myself and the sandy earth. Looking up at the black sky reveals an abundance of stars. The breeze is gentle and slightly warm. The sound of the Colorado river roars from the distance. Tonight is a special night to be watching the stars. There are the remnants of a meteor shower from previous evenings supplying me with a steady show of shooting stars. I have seen more than three dozen, sometimes they will scream across the sky disappearing in a blink of an eye while others float across lazily leaving a bright burning trail that lingers for several seconds. The lack of any city light – or any light for that matter – and the absolute clear sky makes for a rare view of the night sky.

The sky is so clear and the stars so plenty that they appear to form clouds in space. Maybe its the Milky Way. Its the eerie silence and lack of illumination that makes places like this so special. It makes me feel so alone in what is presenting itself as a universe larger than anything I am capable of fathoming. I am such a small part whose existence is as relatively short as the shooting starts painting the skies right now.

I’ve run out of wishes!

How blessed I am to be able to witness something so wonderful yet so simple. There are faint flashes of lightning so far in the distance that it carries no sound to me. As I lie here thinking about all the obstacles, chaos, and events the next five days will bring I find solace in the fact that my nights will be peaceful, lonely, and calming.

I feel inspired by so many different things but I believe that at the root of my inspiration is love. The universe is so vast yet I feel I like a shining beacon of love that is capable of touching every star and every object in the universe. I can only hope that the ones that love me can feel the touch of my love, even hundreds or thousands of miles away. Love is hardly explainable, or quantifiable. I believe it may go as deep as supernatural, spiritual. Something that is capable of touching your soul and the soul of another simultaneously. The energy for this love may be supplied by the stars in the universe. It may be supplied by God, something that every living thing is capable of experiencing on some level.

The peace brought on by lying under the stars, alone, miles from any city, is somewhat overwhelming. I feel emotions I don’t normally feel driving in my car or sitting behind a computer monitor. It has enabled me to connect to myself in ways not possible in a different – more hectic – environment. The time poverty I suffer in our fast moving society makes the reflection out here so rewarding – and likely necessary. We get so caught up in accomplishing the next task that we forget to take a moment for ourselves.

5-day water fast

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There are a lot of forms of fasting. It can be a water fast – where only water is consumed. It can also be a fast from any one substance – be it caffeine, alcohol, meat, etc. Some entertain a fast by eating only fruits and vegetables for a given period. Another fasting method is a juice fast. During this period you drink water and a limited amount of 100% juice. This has the similar effects of a water fast but you are still getting energy to keep going comfortably. So this is just a small sample of fasts but any routine of frequent fasts will have profound effects on the health of your mind and body. Methodizing the refrain from certain elements in your diet and lifestyle will begin to instill strength, humility, will, increased health, prospective, and appreciation that will help keep your spirits lifted and your body healthy.

Fasting has always been included in many major religions worldwide. Orthodox Christians believe that fasting aids in the development of self-restraint, which is the source of all good. Mormons fast one Sunday a month to provide assistance to the needy through the contribution of fast offerings, reap the physical benefits of a fast, and to increase humility and spirituality. Muslims fast during daylight hours through the entire Ramadan to remind themselves of the poor, to cleanse the body, and to foster serenity and spiritual devotion.

People have been known to fast for upwards of 100 days. Now granted something of this caliber requires consistent rest, preparation, knowledge, and meditation and it’s not anything I would ever be interested in endeavoring. A five day fast is painful but relatively speaking it is a short fast. However, strength, resolve, and will are all increased and realized when one voluntarily subjects themselves to starvation for 5 days. Relatively large problems are quickly put into perspective. There is also the spiritual satisfaction that comes with making a sacrifice of that magnitude.

Physically speaking there are also many benefits. Detoxification occurs and the toxins that are cached in your digestive system will be cleansed. As fat is metabolized and processed for energy the toxins that were stored are released into the bloodstream and processed out. The palette is also cleared – helping to break the craving for some of these toxins as your body will be weened off of them. It is also believed that as the digestive system shuts down the healing process on your body begins as that energy is diverted to your immune and metabolism systems. Protein synthesis is also proven to increase during a fast – allowing for all protein creation to be directed towards healing.

Personally speaking the first two days are the worst. These are the days where your body hasn’t yet began to efficiently metabolize itself for energy. Extremely low energy, nausea, lightheadedness, dull headache, burning eyes, and hunger pangs all persist. After those first 48 hours energy begins – albeit it comes and goes in waves – to return and I feel a rush of resolve about everything come over me. It’s a very difficult feeling to explain but it’s sort of a complete inner-peace. At this point on the only discomfort is the hunger pangs.

My thoughts are filled with food but I am fairly clear-headed and I can feel the instillation of strength through my will to continue the fast. I try to conserve as much energy as possible however I know the more difficult the fast is the more beneficial and rewarding the completion of the fast will be. It is essential that I stay hydrated! Dehydration AND starvation have tremendous harmful effects on your body. With limited nutrition and energy sources it will be easy to fall into a downward spiral of tissue and cell damage. Cell and tissue damage caused by dehydration takes a lot of energy to repair. However it’s not difficult for me though as I keep my stomach full of water at all times to help subside the hunger pangs (full stomach).

After the 2.5 day mark my body begins to supply me with energy from self-metabolization and it is pretty much smooth sailing.

Awesome leisure reading regarding subject:
Religion and Dietary Practices, The Role of Fasting

Defeat

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This may sound ludicrous, but I have never suffered defeat in an attempt to realize a goal. Ever. Until today. Lance and I had decided to summit Box Elder Peak in Lone Peak Wilderness (an area which is one of the gnarliest I have visited in UT). It was a 4000ft climb over approximately 5 miles and it wasn’t really a supposed to be a difficult hike. In fact, it wouldn’t have been if we were properly prepared and didn’t make such an error in judgment.

We gained A LOT of elevation in the first two miles. About 1500ft the first mile and 1000 the second mile. So this was exciting as we got the hard elevation gains out of the way, reserving energy for the summit. I didn’t bring my map so Lance was navigating with his GPS. We were staying on the clearly marked trail, but it came to Lance’s attention that we had started to walk away from the summit. Not knowing the exact route up we had to make a decision on how to approach the summit. We decided to go straight up and meet the ridge and follow it to the peak.

This was the error in judgment we made, and it cost us dearly. With a map we could easily see that the 600ft ridge we decided to walk up ends at a cliff and does not connect to Box Elder. In fact to reach Box Elder from the direction we went we would have had to drop down 800 ft and essentially start over. The traverse to the point where we realized this was very steep. According to my clinometer we were walking on a face whose upward angle varied between 40 and 60 degrees. We were traversing this face in an attempt to reach the ridge that would take us to the peak.

Walking across the face quickly became treacherous as the terrain turned into large fields of scree and loose, dry dirt. There were no solid rocks to hold onto so I found myself slipping frequently and digging holes into the dirt with my hand to create hand holds. I needed them as I couldn’t have supported my weight on my feet alone without slipping down the face. About 100′ down from where I was standing was an overhanging cliff that dropped down 400′ to the bottom.

I didn’t have waste straps on my pack that contained ALL of my climbing gear (rope, harness, locking biner, two belay devices, webbing, etc) and an MSR water pump so when I was on my hands and feet walking across the face my pack shifted a couple times throwing me off balance creating a large enough slide to put into perspective the gravity of my situation. I took off my pack and was going to throw it in front of me and attempt to let it slide down to where I was headed. As soon as the pack hit the ground it appeared as if it went into turbo mode and commenced rolling down the mountain full speed. I had a water bladder in the pack and it was spinning so fast that the water was being emptied and spraying in a circular fashion similar to a high powered water sprinkler. I could help but chuckling because at the time it was the least of my worries. The pack quickly disappeared from view never to be seen again.

I kept pushing on – a little disheartened – and was on one of the less declinated areas where I could stand and I lost my footing, went airborne, and landed my shin on the edge of a rock. I pulled the dime sized rock chip from under my skin and watched the blood flow. It was brief, but messy. Without my first aid kit or water to clean it up I kept walking. Lance was about 50 feet below me and every step I took pushed a mass of scree down over the ledge his way. “WILL YOU STOP WALKING BEFORE YOU KILL ME PLEASE!!” is what I finally heard. I knew he was frustrated and I didn’t want to hurt him so I took a break. Moving on, I eventually got to a point where I knew I couldn’t safely continue without roping in. So without rope, I began to descend.

I decided to scout the area where we think my pack travelled but with how fast it was moving and how steep the mountain was there was no telling where it stopped. The foliage and brush was also very thick, easily high enough to completely encompass a black backpack. The area we suspected it came to rest at was covered in low-lying pine trees, shrubs, and thorn bushes. It was also very steep and with all the brush I couldn’t see where I was stepping so I was constantly losing my footing. Too many dangerous factors to be able to justify the continuation of my search. Gear lost.

It was at this point I realized I had been absolutely defeated. I only wanted to get down from the face we were on at this point. Without water or food and the massive amount of energy exerted on our fruitless traverse we decided it would be wise to head back. Ouch. Defeat and humility burning a hole into my brain as I began my walk AWAY from Box Elder Peak. It wasn’t only defeat, but the realization that I am truly at the mercy of the mountains.

Some lessons were learned and luckily they were only at the cost of a gashed up shin and some monetary loss. I realize things could have gone differently but I am not going to doubt my decision to go as far as I did. I did decide to turn back when I hit the wall – a wall which I have never hit – where I simply knew was far too unsafe to continue. It is such a humbling experience, and while at the time I was feeling differently, I have a new appreciation for the gravity that accompanies walking into the wilderness. It is an appreciation that I hold in the same regard as the love that is felt when I am surrounded by the wilderness. I not only see a peaceful, serene vista that embodies love and soul, but also a turbulent, living, dynamic creature that is never, ever to be taken for granted.

Questions

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The reward for frequent exercises in reflection and contemplation is a better understanding of self and a healthier psyche, amongst many, many other effects. In a society where we are becoming more and more time impoverished it’s becoming a forgotten and misunderstood activity. People are becoming disconnected from themselves and in turn are becoming afraid to stop the world around them and spend actual time alone.

  • What drives people to deceive?
  • Why do people try to spare each others feelings?
  • What motivates people to assume a particular identity?
  • How do you create a balance between a healthy soul and a rewarding career?
  • What is the price of exploring and developing your own religious views?
  • What determines value?
  • Is industrialization truly crippling the globe?
  • If our objective is a rewarding afterlife, why care for the Earth we inhabit for such a glimmer of time?
  • Is technology getting in the way of art?
  • Is it better to be absolutely sure, introspective, or blissfully unaware?
  • Is it possible to create a perfect balance between humility, ego, arrogance, confidence, and empathy?
  • Are you comfortable with who you are?
  • Are you certain you know what you want?
  • Do you think you have all the answers?!

Lone Peak solo

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I have historically had a bad habit of overpreparing for a backpacking trip. I knew ten minutes in that my pack was at least 15 pounds too heavy. It’s not a loss though; I see it as more conditioning. I knew by the topo map this was going to be a pretty steep climb but what I didn’t anticipate was a trail littered with small boulders and rocks. I’m two miles in and I feel like the majority of my ascent has been stepping up 18-24″ rocks.

I think heat exhaustion has set in and my quadriceps are beginning to perpetually cramp up with every step. It is for this reason I am taking an extended break to write, eat, and drink masses of water. I came across a rapidly flowing stream that blunders down a steep canyon for hundreds of feet. There is a large platform type rock that edges a relatively deep pool before making its way over the steep boulders below. The only sound I hear is the rushing water and occasional gupls the fast moving water makes in the pool of water before me. I soaked y bare feet in the water to cool off for a moment and it is cold! Probably 45*. It is however so invigorating.

To the immediate north are bare, towering, granite ralls that rise five hundred feet above me. It is these walls that help form the canyon I traverse. They are steep and sheer but almost bouldering with deep contours gracefully strewn about them.

The air is cool – with the aid of the cool stream – at approximately 7200ft. I have climbed around 2500 feet in 2 miles. By the looks of it I have anouther 2.5 miles and 2000ft. This is comforting to know the remaining climb will not be as aggressive as the climb to this point.

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Pain has never been so rewarding as it is now. After my hour lunch break I started on the trail again and not even 5 minutes in I came across a rather stunning waterfall. Not just the height, or the volume of the water, but the unique manner it was making its way down the mountain. There are occasional pine trees in the route and the top splits into two directions both making their way unobstructively around a mound of granite causing the split. In this mount the two pine trees are holding steadfast in crevasses in the granite.

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LOST IN THE BRUSH

Shortly before the waterfall there was a split in the trail. In one direction was the stream and in the other was up up up. The split that went up was marked with a cairn and I knew I had to at some point – VERY CLOSE – cross the stream. For this reason the cairn and the opportunity to cross the stream over a makeshift bridge sent me in that direction. The trail quickly became overgrown with brush and at times I couldn’t tell if I was on a trail at all.

The trail finally disappeared and I decided to walk through the brush and continue to follow the canyon up. I finally dead-ended at a granite face and not wanting to turn back I clumbed up with my pack. It was very steep and smooth. What a wonderful decision I made. I am sitting on top of the face with an amazing view of the canyon I just walked up and the granite gliffs to the north. With or without a trail I am fairly certain I will be able to find the reservoir. Fairly being the keyword.

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Made it to the reservoir. It truly is gorgeous here. I have experienced some major cramps in my quads that stopped me from bending my legs at all. I stopped about a half mile from the reservoir and took a nap on a rock for about 45 minutes. After putting on sun block! Super sore and exhausted I dredged through the last half mile. I was elated when I realized I was there. In nearly two hours that have passed since I first sat down I think I moved from this spot twice.

As I sit here in front of the lake I am having a hard time thinking of little else besides where the fish go or do after they jump into the world above theirs, or what I love and admite. My mind is completely clear of confustion, doubt, or stress. As I write I frequently find myself up to gather inspiration from the landscape or to briefly think of the beauty of a loved one’s face. I find myself frequently gazing at the mountain, reflecting its beauty.

The benefits of a solo trip to the mountains were not expected to be this plentiful and amazing. Of all my time spent in the wilderness I have never felt so uplifted and free from any weight or pressures from society.

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Woke up this morning eager to get moving. It was 6am and the only reason I got up was because I gazed outside of my tent and saw a clear view of the moon and another large star or planet to its left setting behind the range of mountains to the SE of the lake. The sky was barely illuminated by the soon-to-rise sun. I was also a little excited to get moving before the sun got strong enough for discomfort.

I’ve discerned from the map that Lone Peak is almost directly south of me and it doesn’t look like the peak can be more than 1.25 miles way – which is fairly exciting.

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Thunder Mountain was relatively easy. It was a little exhausting but wasn’t anyhthing technical. Lone Peak is a totally different story. From the direction I decided to approach it (North) it is seemingly straight up along the entire face and rises up about 1400ft. I believe it is within my capabilities so I decided to make the approach and summit.

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MADE IT! I am relaxing on the top of Lone Peak eating a pack of dry Ramen noodles. I am alone and knew for this I had to be overly cautious. This unfortunately had the side effect of nervousness. I finally overcame this and when I did I started to gain ground much faster. Some places were literally straight up requiring me to pull myself up over a ledge. There was no marked route so I had to find what I believed to be the best. I rarely only depended on my legs and I think this allowed me to move faster more evenly distributing the load.

Being alone almost turned me back in a few places because a fall would have been much more difficult to address without a partner. I was however able to find a safe route and on one occasion I dropped down 20-30ft to a safer route.

The view up here is unobstructed and I can see what feels like forever approximately 270* around me.

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The hike down was wasn’t any easier than the hike up due to exhaustion. Lost the trail a few times and when I finally got to the last half mile I took a wrong turn and ended up in a subdivision. I was cramping miserably and so dehydrated. I saw a Sandy Watershed city employee and asked where I was and where the trailhead was and he said it was about 3 miles from where I was. There was a lady outside of her house and overheard our conversation and remarked “You can just go back up and catch the trail if you trace your steps” to which I replied “I don’t have the capability to walk up anymore.” I asked the city employee how much trouble it would be to give me a ride up to the trail and he said “Sorry, company policy.”

In complete dismay I started walking on the sidewalk with my pack. Losing daylight and not entirely sure where I was I contemplated calling a cab. Not even two minutes into my walk the lady whose home I came out by drove up with a ice cold bottle of water and told me to put my gear in the back and get in. I don’t think there was anything at this point that could have lifted my spirits more.

I got to my car, and after nearly completely breaking down, thought about how lucky I am to have the opportunity for such an amazing experience and the ability to appreciate. Never has a trip to the wilderness been so mentally and physically challenging, and so emotionally trying and rewarding. It was as if a veil was lifted and everything that had ever or currently been bothering me was gone completely.

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Lone Peak Solo

Reward beyond ego; spirit

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Going to the top of a mountain is rewarding regardless of its shape, grade, vigor, prominence, or elevation. While it’s hard to profess that those factors don’t contribute to any greater victory it’s easy to profess that climbing to the top of any mountain, regardless of its characteristics, is equally rewarding in all aspects outside of ego.

Ego for me is a very small prize for accomplishing a goal set forth. I find more value in the serenity I find at the top. The more time I spend in the mountains the more I realize that every mountain offers its own unique set of challenges, views, and experiences. Standing on top of a peak – regardless of its size – allows for the same reflection, contemplation, and admiration. It allows for an equal opportunity to explore a mildly spiritual connection to my soul and to the souls in the natural bodies around me. It perpetuates my love for God and the simple appreciation for the Earth that is in my opinion required – or at least greatly contributes – for a healthy psyche.

There is no small victory in accomplishing any goal when you can embrace everything else associated with going to the top of a mountain. It is this perspective that has allowed me to – outside of ego – to appreciate a mountain of any size equally. And without the overbearing clouding of infalted ego and with the ability to push through deep pain, my time in the mountains can be blissfully rewarding on a consistent basis.

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